April 25, 2003 @ 6:37 p.m.
Not premenstrual, just violent

Baby's in a black, black mood. Today I made the Biscuits of My Discontent. Actually, they were just plain old choc chippies, but they turned out crappy and I was listening to Liz Phair while making them, so BoMD they are.

You know how sometimes you get all bleak and shitty about things in your life for seemingly no reason? I'm like that at the moment. Antsy and angsty.

I'm one of those people who has to have lots of control. I hate feeling out of control, and I hate it when plans get changed suddenly, no matter how minor. I realise this is not my greatest personality trait. But, ugh! It shits me. Like tonight. My plans are askew. I gave up getting laid so I could go sit in a smoky bar, and now the smoky bar is no more. Well, the plans to visit it, anyway. I'm sure whatever bar we were going to still stands. Then I was supposed to be meeting up with my friend Sonya, whom I haven't seen in ages. That still stands, but she'll be bringing a posse. Antisocial beast I am, I don't feel like meeting new people. Plus, Sonya's taste in people seems to be somewhat patchy. Barring moi, of course, and a few others.

Dear lord, but I'm bellicose. I blame Elizabeth Wurtzel. I'm finally getting around to reading Prozac Nation after all these years, after being warned by a friend about how self-indulgent it was. And I'm relating, quite a lot. Which I don't really like. So am grumpy. Sooo grumpy.

And the thrill of the new is starting to wear off in regards to my job. I'm still enjoying it, a lot, but I'm realising how bound I am in a lot of ways. See, a good thing about the porn shop is that I could always tell people to fuck off if I felt like it, but I'm not really game to try that in a library. And sometimes it's a bit like humanity is conspiring to prove to me just how fucking shoddy it is. Ugh. I had to deal with this absolute fucking smartarse the other day, and I was not in the mood. I was trying to be all zen, but I was two seconds off telling him "Look, dickface, I could punch you out cold and have half your face bitten off before you hit the floor, so watch yourself". True as it may have been, I kept my calm.

Does anyone know what the library employee's version of spitting in people's food is?

Grizzle. I'm going to grab a bite to eat, then make my way out into this lovely Melbourne night we're having. And if anyone tries to fuck with me, they're going to be headbutted until they can't see straight, and for months they'll have nightmares of blonde heads coming at them like a particularly shitty bus.

Adios!

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